Wedding shower? Costa Rica style

Ξ October 4th, 2005 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Costa Rica, Humor, Whatever |

I think I went to a wedding shower. I say “think” as I am still not sure after the fact.

This was last Saturday. My stomach has still not recovered.

First, going anywhere with ML is always a challenge. This is especially true if the destination involves “dressing up”. “Dressing up” to ML is defined as the wearing of anything other than jeans. This was certainly a dress up deal. I was told to be ready at 5 PM. I was. As many people know, getting ready from a man’s standpoint is somewhat different from how women define this activity. This difference is perhaps no more clearly defined than in our relationship.

To me, getting dressed up for a function such as this means more or less:

  • All parts not suitable for public display are covered. It should be noted that as I age, there are more of these parts).
  • Whatever articles of clothing I wear should more or less kinda go together OK.
  • I do not smell bad.

Now to Maria, the process is a tad more involved. Everything must be perfect.

The problem, of course, is that Maria suffers, as do so many ladies, from the “Perfect Woman Thing”. There is no such thing of course. I think she IS perfect. A lot of guys think their lady is perfect while their perfect woman views herself as a cow. ML is no different.

So what to wear is always a challenge. I WAS ready at 5 PM as ordered. At 4:30, ML (optimistically) began preparations. I figured we would actually leave the house at 7:15. I was off by 6 minutes.

First came the dress part. Conservatively, WE tried on 57 dresses, skirts, blouses, and combinations of these items. All of these made her look fat. This was silly. ML is vastly overweight. Why she must be at least 4 pounds over her ideal weight (as helpfully defined by a combination of the INSURANCE INDUSTRY and COSMO. Now… by show of hands, all women who would be ECSTATIC at being 1. over age 40 and 2. only 4 pounds overweight, please so signify by raising your hand. Ha… I thought so.

OK… now came the shoes. Sandals or closed toe. Stockings or no. Color, style, blah blah blah. OK… Maria is TALL for`a Tica with Looooong legs, nicely formed and very delicious. She has beautiful moreno coloring (no need for a sun tan), and pretty feet! So what the hell is the decision here??

So we rolled out of the garage at about 7:10 PM… almost two hours late.

We arrived and were greeted by a ton of people, and food. The people were great and the food was delicious. It should have been as it was all cooked in grease. As I get older, I don’t do grease. In general, I believe that people who must lean forward to see their feet should probably restrict their fat content anyway. I fall into that category. In fact, prefer not to eat anything after 8 PM. I am becoming my father. It took me until Monday to recover.

I just don’t remember that getting married was such an involved thing!


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