The demons won…

Ξ September 6th, 2005 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Whatever |

My friend Laurie died this week. At 40. It is a loss.

I knew her for about 20 years… maybe more, and she lived a hard life. Not hard in terms of deprivation… she had everything… wealthy sucessful parents, a good job, a sometimes happy marriage… but a hard life nontheless for she was surely plagued by demons. Some of those demons were well documented… the drug use, the alcohol, the inappropriate behavior.

She paid the price of course. All addicts pay the price sooner or later. Along the road, she lost her job, many of her friends, a husband, a child in her womb, all of her self respect, and probably worst of all, the custody her other two children.

For as long as I knew her, and from all accounts well before I met her, Laurie suffered from a wide variety of problems. I often urged her to talk about whatever it was that happened early in her life. For years she simply denied that anything had happened. A few years ago, she admitted something had… but never told all. Just a brief story of being raped in junior high. She told no one at the time. I am fairly sure there was much more… stuff earlier than junior high. As far as I know, she told no one.

She went to therapists, clinics, rehabs…. the works… but sadly, Laurie was very bright and a control freak. I think that really intelligent (or manipulative) people have a harder time with therapy.. especially those who will not yield control. Those people do not trust easily. They want to control the show… their recovery. They know not how to yield.

So she is gone.

I spoke with her mother who was, of course, a mess. In life, children bury their parents. It is not pleasant of course, but that is the way things are and we all accept it. We bury our parents and our children bury us. It is the norm. However, something goes terribly askew when a parent must bury a child… of any age. It is the opposite of the norm. It is as if the world is terribly out of whack. I did not talk to her dad. I am sure that he was pretty messed up as well. Dads don’t bury daughters any easier than do moms.

Her parents tried… love love, tough love, support groups… whatever. Everything. Nothing.

Now Laurie is gone.

I will miss her laughter, her phone calls, my birthday card every year, her energy, her staggering vulnerabilty, her tears, her anger, her fears, her love, her hopes, her promises, her dreams… and her lies.

Sleep well child….


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  1. on June 9th, 2006 at 5:43 pm

    […] I am tiring of this. I am tired of death. I am tired of near-death. My friend Laurie made her early exit last year. I miss her. My brother Paul passed away some weeks ago… and we still know not those causes, but he too tried suicide just weeks before. Quien sabes? […]

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