Islamic Bomb Making Schools

Ξ July 30th, 2005 | → 1 Comments | ∇ -My Favorites, Humor, News and Comments |

I Don’t Get the 72 Virgins Thing.

There is a lot of terrorism news about suicide bombers these days which got me to thinking about this whole virgin thing.

It is my understanding that those who recruit and train the suicide bombers promise them 72 virgins when they enter heaven. I guess these are wifey type virgins, but I am unclear on this. I mean the term ‘slutty virgin’ sorta seems like an oxymoron.

I guess before I start… I’d sorta like to know what’s up with this virgin thing anyway? I mean yeah… maybe your ‘her first’, but most virgins suck in bed (maybe not literally) and need extensive training. Give me a hot 35 year old woman with some experience just about anytime… well maybe not NOW as ML would surely kill me… but we were discussing virgins, right?

The Monkey’s Paw… you sorta get my drift.

OK… back to the virgin pool. I am guessing that if I am a devote Islamic boy, eager to enter heaven and claim my virgins, I would want my virgins to be devote Islamic virgins right? Now really… how big is THAT pool? Maybe they just get the next virgins on the list. Pretty funny if the Islamic bomber person found himself stuck with 72 Jewish virgins! I mean can you commit suicide twice?

And what happens if you are an Islamic suicide bomber in an Islamic country like Iraq and you blow up a bunch of virgin Islamic girls. Then you get them right back! I mean OK… they were virgins and all and maybe all very good Islamic women, but might they not be sorta pissed that you blew them up? I sure would be.

Virgins rights!

This is the 21st century. There just about HAS to be a National Organization of Virgins (NOV). What if the bomber, even if properly reassembled, if really ummm.. disgusting? Stinky breath? Foul balls? Can’t hold a job. Can these virgins maybe back out of the deal? Are there virgins rights or is this kinda like an arranged marriage thing? I am sorta thinking that Islamic boys may treat their virgins as cattle. I doubt modern day virgins would put up with that! Do the female virgins get the same pay as male virgins?

Now that brings up marriage. Does the bomber have to marry these virgins? All of them? Can he just marry one and fool around with the others? Do these virgins all live in the same house with the bomber? I once read that women who live together for some length of time will eventually all get their periods at the same time each month. I have no idea if that is true, and as my daughter is not here to tell me that is stupid and I am a pig, I will presume that this is true. OK… 72 women in the same house with PMS? That’s heaven?

The Virgin Conversion Plan

Not to be to graphic here, but after the bomber has “had his way” with the 72, they are clearly no longer eligible to be called virgins. One time… pop… no more virgin! So can he replace them? Maybe go back to the online virgin chat line, or virgins-on-line web site and hook up with the next 72? What happens to the old (now ex) virgins? If there are not enough virgins after being blown up, does that bomber get a pre-owned virgin that is almost “like new”. Do these recently converted ex-virgins have to resign from NOV?

Finally, let’s say there IS this huge pools of virgins. THAT would imply there might be a huge group of mothers. OK… you got 72 wives… and NOW you have 72 mothers-in law. Holy Moly.

Ya know? The more I ponder this, the more sure I am this is not covered in Islamic bomber school.

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  1. tim said,

    on February 24th, 2008 at 7:37 am

    I work here in Iraq and haven’t gotten all the Intel I would like on the 72 number.
    I do know they do come in all ages’ shapes and sizes. If they marry and are not still a V then there husband can kill them in the town square the next day. If he hasn’t the nads to do it her father will do it for disgracing her family. They have some strange ideals for sure. Beaten if found in a vehicle alone with a male and he is not her father or brother.
    More or less a female here is of less use then their camel or goat.

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