Chase Bank -Credit Card Fraud – What bullshit!

Ξ December 5th, 2004 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Rants |

I am really pissed off.

Even in Costa Rica, we get the 746 daily commercials for VISA, MasterCard, AMEX, about credit card fraud.

I actually LIKE the one with the 65 (mas o menos) black gentleman (I have been away for a while so if I am not PC on what Blacks want to be called this week, please forgive me. (In Latin America, they are simply called negros, the Spanish word for black and totally not a racist term), who says: “I just got a call from my credit card company asking if I just bought two surfboards”. Clever.

Anyway, for those of you who are not credit card pros, when you buy something, the request is sent to a processor. These are companies nobody ever hears about (unless their DB’s get hacked!), which then passes the request to the issuing bank. The bank replies and gives the thumbs up or down. If it is a thumbs up, the transaction goes through.

So I get an order form this guy in Chile for $239.00. Nothing unusual as we do business in Chile, but the credit card has the name of someone CLEARLY nor Latin. This send up red flags for my accounting folk who have abnormally tight rectal muscles and they notify me.

Yes! “This does seem odd. I’ll contact VISA and see what give!” says me.

So I call VISA. Whatta joke. Turns out it is damn near impossible to call VISA. Oh, you can order credit cards and do a bunch of shit, but what you cannot do (easily) is find a number where merchants can call to check stuff out.

Finally, after 2 hours, I find a merchant verification number and call them.

They are… umm… less than forthcoming, but I am a persistent person and so they finally give me the name and number for the issuing bank. Chase Bank.

So I call Chase Bank. Whatta bunch of total assholes. Clearly the surf shop person was not using a Chase Card cause if he was, he’d now own 6 surfboards and that guy would be buying KY jelly by the gross.

I get the standard customer service person on the phone. He asks the normal questions to ID me… which was fine… but then he starts with the “What do you want ME to do? I can’t give you an approval. Well DUH dickweed, I KNOW you can’t, but you can contact your customer and ask THEM if they just bought $239.00 in services from Chile!

This brain trust says he can not do that.. OK… Can I speak with security? “Well why”? Well DUH again!

So we continue this for 5 more minutes and FINALLY I get transferred to this even larger asshole from security. Clearly Chase Bank promotes their security folk from their prior positions as Customer Service folk. Once you reach a certain level of assholiness and incompetence, you get the job in security!

So now this guy asks all the same verification questions of me… which is fine.

He then asks (NO SHIT), “What do you want ME to do? I can’t give you an authorization.” Well BIGGER DUH. I know that. But wouldn’t it be a good idea to contact the customer, ask them if they are using their card to buy services from Chile? My services would make NO sense for them to purchase even if they were on vacation. Maybe just ask them to see if their card is missing. ANYTHING???? I mean hot damn! If my credit card company (Advanta) called me to ask these questions (which they actually DID one time now that I think about it!), I would be happy as hell. I cannot imagine anyone who would NOT want to know this. It might also mean your CC number was out on some Internet list or your are in the process of having your identity stolen.
No, he won’t do that. I don’t know why and he won’t tell me… so we argue some more. I give him the addresses used and other stuff including phone numbers. I OFFER to give him the IP address of the user and their email address. He doesn’t want that either. I keep asking him to call his cardholder… it gets very unpleasant.

I bitch and moan for a while longer, and FINALLY he says, OK, I’ll call our customer. Cool!

He is off the phone for an adequate time to impress me that he is telling the truth about calling them (about 20 seconds) and returns to say, “nobody answers.”

I just fucking gave up.

Even if he DID call those poor suckers, which I doubt, he certainly did not try work numbers or anything else. This whole credit card fraud stuff you see advertised is nothing more than some PR guy’s wet dream.

So Mom and Dad, here is what I learned today!

I will NEVER again try to help some hapless cardholder whose card is being used at my company.

The credit card companies clearly do not give two shits for card security. Admittedly, this may be unfair because OTHER banks might have treated this situation differently.

Chase bank in particular would rather charge exorbitant rates rather than try to control their fraud losses.

Chase Bank does not give a damn about their customers and their security and finally….

Only a REALLLLY dumb shit would ever use a credit card issued by Chase Bank.


2 Responses to ' Chase Bank -Credit Card Fraud – What bullshit! '

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  1. Sharon said,

    on July 15th, 2005 at 1:12 am

    Great, I loved this–oh, and I’ll remember it–if you think it doesn’t matter Chase.

  2. Dane said,

    on August 10th, 2007 at 5:53 am

    Let’s not forget the the proper name for Chase — which is JPMorgan-Chase… and we all know that JPMorgan was an evil, evil man who had a hand in creating the Federal Reserve, the greatest fraud ever perpetrated on the American People.

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