Angela Wrote Me – She Didn’t Say No.

Ξ July 11th, 2003 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Whatever |

Angela wrote to me. Twice. This could change my life forever. I hope so.

This blog is new… so I guess I should bring things to date. Angela is an ex-girlfriend. We dated a few years ago, and broke up after about a three year thing. I did it. Within 30 days, I had this horrible feeling that I had made a terrible mistake.

We saw each other for lunch 4 months later and I knew I had really screwed the pooch. Like a dumb shit… a made some stupid oblique guy remark about how I thought I had made a mistake… then promptly followed up with absofuckinglutely NOTHING! I can be such an enormous jackass at times.

Ang is Cuban/American. She is sharp, generous, loving, sexy, a great, sharing lover, and flashes a smile that will melt a heart in a moment. People love her. She is also beautiful… though it would make little difference to me if she were not. She has two wonderful girls, and I have kept in touch with the older one for all these years and have remained quite close.

I invited her daughter to have lunch with me when I visited the US last month. We did… and the next day, Angie called and asked if I wanted to have dinner.

Innocent enough, huh…. ? I mean, she is living with a pretty nice guy and wears an engagement ring… So what’s the harm right? Oh boy…

Here’s the harm… I am still in love with this woman. I never STOPPED loving her. I broke it off for really dumb reasons… fear committing maybe? … shit I don’t even remember why now. Part of it was a total lack of understanding Latin culture… something that living in Costa Rica has cured. In any case, I never should have let her get away… I really fucked up… and I knew it.

Now the goofy stuff!

Ever hear the Garth Brooks songs “Standing Outside the Fire” and What She’s Doing Now“?

Well, just before we met for dinner, I heard them BOTH on the radio. I am not big on messages from beyond… but I felt as if I had been sent one. Don’t even begin to write or comment how stupid that is. I know it, so bugger off.

I met her at Applebees. She walked out to meet me and flashed that smile. I was dead meat. I went eighth grade in about 2 seconds.

The hug lasted too long I suppose, but she didn’t complain. We went inside, sat down, tossed the “Good to see you… yada yada” stuff around and then… Well, I decided that I should apologize for being a dumb ass and just tell her I had made a terrible mistake and wish her well with her fiance.

I did apologize… just before I proposed.

I had absolutely no control… the words just came out.

I simply said, “I am so sorry I ever lost you. I was wrong and I apologize. I loved you then and I love you now. I have never stopped loving you. I want you to marry me. If you say yes, I promise I will spend every day until I die making you feel like the most loved, adored and honored woman ever in the world and make up for how I treated you. I swear it”.

Guess there’s trying to right a wrong… and then there’s REALLY righting a wrong.

I thought she might just get up and leave. She didn’t leave. I never expected her to say yes… and she didn’t. But she didn’t say no.

The waitress about shit her pants… I never saw her standing next to us when I “apologized”… She just stood there looking at Angie waiting for her answer. This was probably pretty meaty stuff in the normally, everyday life of an Applebee’s waitress.

Angie simply could not believe what I had just said. Actually, neither of us could… Well, three of us if you include the waitress.

There was maybe 10 minutes of awkwardness… probably because kept running my mouth and enlarging on the proposal stuff. Well someone had to talk!

She told me she simply did not know what to say. I didn’t push. Gradually, things settled down, and we left Applebees three hours later. A spectacular evening. A wonderful hug and a gentle kiss… and she was gone. We did not speak again while I was in the States… and that seemed OK. I had no idea what to expect.

And now, she has written me… twice. She mentioned a visit to Costa Rica… and I am nearly out of control as I write this.

We talked last night for 2 hours on the phone. Nothing was said about what happened at Applebees… which is just fine. She wrote me and that is enough.

It’s time for re-discovery. She didn’t say no. She didn’t say no.


The 4th from Outside

Ξ July 4th, 2003 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Whatever |

I went to a 4th of July celebration today… from 8AM to Noon for US citizens living here. Ended at Noon to try to avoid the afternoon rains at this time of year… which thoughtfully showed at 6PM and are happening as I write this.

Maybe 5,000 people showed up… a nice crowd. Everyhing was free… which was cool… but there is something about beer at 8AM that loses something these days. Damn I’d hate to think I was getting old. Guess the first clue shoulda been that it was held at Costa Rica’s biggest cervezeria (brewery). Boy, nothing gets past me!

Great band… The lead singer was a retired river pilot from Holland… dressed like Waylon Jennings, singing county and western music in Costa Rica. THAT’S why i love this place. Where else??? They played some fine Chicago (my home!) style blues too, and the guy on the harp was so good he cudda played anywhere. Saw a lot of old friends and met a couple of new ones. Finally met Laura’s husband… nice guy… they make top quality candles here that are so excellent!

Anyway, the party was fun, even alone, and I haven’t spoken that much English at one time for a while.

Nice flag raising ceremony too… One woman’s speech really got to me. There is something about celebrating the 4th with your fellow countrymen in another country. I love Costa Rica… but I am US to the core, and being here brought that home big time. When that flag went up and we sang the National Anthem… I lost it. Do we have the greatest fucking national anthem in the world or what???

Left early after the US ambassador spoke his piece… If you called central casting and said “Send over a Republican right away!”, this guy would be on the doorstep. Have no idea what his background is… but he just looked… well… Republican!

Now that Iraq has simmered down… no protesters were there, though I was sorta looking forward to saying hi to them.

Saw Charlie and his new sweetie on the way out… Charlie is older than dirt and looks it, but had a first rate Tica (half his age) on his arm. Age means very little here between partners… The women here actually prefer older guys cuz they are more stable and treat the women better. I need one!! Here I am in a target rich environment… and I am dealing with B. Sigh.


I do things backwards

Ξ July 2nd, 2003 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Whatever |

Are you supposed to know anything about blogging before you put one up?

I expect most bloggers have a plan before they do this stuff. I think I did this backwards. I installed the blog first, then I have been scrambling for the past two days to find out what a blog is.

People must have at least some idea of what they were going to say or at least have some burning passion to rant to the world about their life, their cause… whatever – before they blogged right?

I did’t have any of those. I still don’t. In fact, until I happened across Girlie, I really had no idea how good an online journal could be. In fact, her whole website is creative as hell.

So after I read hers… I spend about 10 more hours reading a zillion other blogs and journals. I learned something: Women are better at this shit than men.

So many women seem just be able to open themselves up and talk about whatever.. their sex lives, love lives, family, religion, relationships… all of it. Men, I think, generally suck at this. I may suck too. More shall be revealed.

Also, why is it that so many women who write blogs so often refer to themselves as bitches? AND… they appear to do it with some pride! What’s that about? You don’t hear guys running around bragging about being assholes.. though certainly many of us have reached that exalted pillar of assholiness. We sure as hell don’t brag about it.

I think I am out of touch. Perhaps I need to go back to the States and investigate. Anyway, I am going to bed.


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